I cannot even begin to explain to you how easily I am distracted. I could ask you a question and you could answer me, and I would have no idea what your answer means because I forgot my own question. Somewhere between me asking and you answering, I started thinking about something else. I like to think I’m a good listener, but I’m not, not at all, and I’m sorry if you’ve experienced this type of conversation with me. I am really trying to change this because I don’t want people to think that what they have to say is not important to me!
I am pretty much like this in my “relationship” with Christ also. I have been a bit distracted by our new little one, that I have completely neglected him. Prior to our baby coming home, I was distracted by the adoption process, therefore, I have taken a seven or so month hiatus. I am sure he is used to this by now as this is pretty common for me. The bigger issue is that I was doing so good for a while!!! I was reading and listening and things were making sense. You throw a baby in the mix and I quit cold turkey!
I have noticed some major differences in “Jenny”s good Jesus time” and “Jenny’s lack of Jesus time” . In the “good” time I was more patient, I got things done, sermons were really getting to me (they all felt applicable), worship songs would bring me to tears, I was exercising, and eating well. Now during the “lack of Jesus” time I feel nothing, literally, I don’t get anything from sermons, worship songs do nothing for me, I quit exercising, my stomach aches right now from all the Halloween candy I’ve eaten today, I have no time for my friends and I have lost all patience for my children.
The strangest thing to me and what I miss the most is that when I read anything from the bible, or when I’m trying to do my bible study, I don’t get it, and I did before, for that half a year or so that I was “good”. I would have more questions but everything was a bit clearer. It’s like I have the wrong prescription now and can’t find the right one. I want to be the person that makes time for God and my kids AND my friends. I know it can happen, just getting back into figuring out how to quit being so selfish because I do have the time.
I heard these lyrics tonight, a song I’ve heard over and over by Evanescence, the lyrics hit me differently tonight.
Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undonenow that I know what I’m without
you can’t just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me back to lifeWake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
save me from the nothing I’ve becomeBring me to life
(I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside)
Bring me to life