Bring Me Back to Life

I cannot even begin to explain to you how easily I am distracted.   I could ask you a question and you could answer me, and I would have no idea what your answer means because I forgot my own question.  Somewhere between me asking and you answering, I started thinking about something else.  I like to think I’m a good listener, but I’m not, not at all, and I’m sorry if you’ve experienced this type of conversation with me.  I am really trying to change this because I don’t want people to think that what they have to say is not important to me!

I am pretty much like this in my “relationship” with Christ also.  I have been a bit distracted by our new little one, that I have completely neglected him.  Prior to our baby coming home, I was distracted by the adoption process, therefore, I have taken a seven or so month hiatus.  I am sure he is used to this by now as this is pretty common for me.  The bigger issue is that I was doing so good for a while!!!  I was reading and listening and things were making sense.  You throw a baby in the mix and I quit cold turkey!  

I have noticed some major differences in “Jenny”s good Jesus time” and “Jenny’s lack of Jesus time” .  In the “good”  time I was more patient, I got things done, sermons were really getting to me (they all felt applicable), worship songs would bring me to tears, I was exercising, and eating well.  Now during the “lack of Jesus” time  I feel nothing, literally, I don’t get anything from sermons, worship songs do nothing for me, I quit exercising, my stomach aches right now from all the Halloween candy I’ve eaten today, I have no time for my friends and I have lost all patience for my children.

The strangest thing to me and what I miss the most is that when I read anything from the bible, or when I’m trying to do my bible study, I don’t get it,  and I did before, for that half a year or so that I was “good”.   I would have more questions but everything was a bit clearer.  It’s like I have the wrong prescription now and can’t find the right one.  I want to be the person that makes time for God and my kids AND my friends.  I know it can happen, just getting back into figuring out how to quit being so selfish because I do have the time.

I heard these lyrics tonight, a song I’ve heard over and over by Evanescence, the lyrics hit me differently tonight.

Bring Me Back to Life

Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
before I come undone

now that I know what I’m without
you can’t just leave me
breathe into me and make me real
bring me back to life

Wake me up inside
call my name and save me from the dark
bid my blood to run
save me from the nothing I’ve become

Bring me to life
(I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside)
Bring me to life

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4 responses to “Bring Me Back to Life

  • sidebysideblog

    I recently had a small ‘hiatus’ from my daily prayer and reading time with God and to be truly honest I don’t who I become when He is not influencing my actions thoughts and emotions. The impact of neglecting my ‘vertical’ relationship is so noticeable on my ‘horizontal’ relationships. I am an early riser and found early morning the best for quiet times with God. Before the family wake up and the day rolls itself out without end. Beautiful post. Keep the great work up. Catherine xox

  • Alicia

    We are all prone to our good and bad selves. There are so many things, many of them GOOD things (like our families), that can get us distracted, but you are right that it causes you to become numb to things that used to move you. I find that when I get that way, I start with small changes. When I was up with the kids as babies, I was exhausted all the time and the idea of waking me from sleep made me downright angry. I tried a simple step of praying for other people’s children while I was feeding/ rocking mine in the middle of the night. There are so many that have faced hardships with their children- infertility, loss, separation, illness, and here I was complaining about being up again. That shift changed my perspective toward how I could use those quiet moments to connect with God, no distractions. You will get into a new schedule and way of life soon, just make sure that there is time carved out for your relationship with God too.

  • christiancari

    I completely relate to this!! I think most people do from time to time. I’m still not sure what the answer to this is yet. I do think trying new things, reading books with new ideas helps me. And just keeping at it. Just like in a marriage, sometimes there are really great times & sometimes things are harder for whatever reason. That’s just life, love, relationships.

  • dykewriter

    Reblogged this on dyke writer and commented:
    Dear Jenny

    so much has happened since we last wrote

    I don’t have a proper email account and I don’t have yours anymore to contact you.

    The book exchange meant more to me than you can know
    but what really helped me was the emails that we exchanged

    I want you to know that your impact on me was more profound than I can possibly explain

    but mostly, I want to let you that that I did not tell you the truth about something really important.

    I didn’t mean to lie to you

    but when you lie to yourself
    and you tell people that same thing, you beleive that it’s true.

    Jenny. I got divorced last year, it becomes final this month sometime.

    so I am not letting that change my mind about marriage

    so I hope it doesn’t change anyone’s mind about marriage equality

    divorce stats still apply, we’re all just people after all.

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